Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize