I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I looked at my own cervix.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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