I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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