On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
