Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize