I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
