i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
