I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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