she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
