The best revenge is premature balding
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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