I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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