The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
