Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize