So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
