The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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