fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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