hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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