i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
