Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize