I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
