drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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