Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
