like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
