break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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