Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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