We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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