I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
