so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
