Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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