Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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