How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
