I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I could fuck to npr.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
