why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
