just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
