he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
