i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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