so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
