i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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