Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
