At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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