Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
