Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
