dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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