3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
one might say we're banned from that church
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A+ Viking dick
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