My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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