why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize