i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
