Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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