So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
