I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize