I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
