He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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