I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
