I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
