just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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