Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
