Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
