This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
