Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
