this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
