Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
