When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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