I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
