I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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