Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize