I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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