I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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