I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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