I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
