Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize